The UnderGround Abridged Dictionary

The UnderGround Abridged Dictionary


Your definitions may differ from mine, and that’s okay.

Marriage: A civil contract, formal or otherwise, between two people, for the purpose of sharing work, property and fiscal responsibility.

Why on Earth does a government feel it can or should license marriage, especially given how easy it is to form or dissolve a marriage. Marriage is nothing more or less than a civil contract between two people. Love, gender, and religion do not necessarily enter into the contract unless the signatories choose. In fact, it’s becoming more and more common for people to create pre-nuptial agreements that separate their finances. I’m not sure if there’s anything in the Constitution that defines the right to enter into contracts, but Americans are generally free to choose with whom, and on what terms they do so. And unless I’m mistaken, American jurisprudence is based in part on the idea that laws won’t be made that favor or impede the practice of any religion.

Matrimony: A religious rite (or sacrament) joining two people together according to the religion’s accepted norms, for the purpose of raising a family, sharing work, property, and fiscal responsibility. Matrimony may include a civil contract between two people. But matrimony adds the component of religion, and in so doing it narrows the definition of the participants. People who join in matrimony accept the rules and restrictions of whatever religion conducts the rite (or sacrament in the case of the Catholic Church). If they’re unhappy with the rules and restrictions of any specific church, other options exist.

Alternative Fact(s): An oxymoron used to designate unrevealed fact(s), or to insinuate that unrevealed fact(s) exist.

Facts are always facts. Anything that is not a provable fact is either an opinion, or a lie, or both.

Two plus two equals four for all known values of two.

Now let’s get down to specifics.

One apple, plus one apple equals two apples as long as the statement refers only to apples. An unrevealed fact might be that the apples are of differing size or variety. Or that they are part of an apple pie. Or . . .


As the statement becomes more complex, so does the truth. If we add two apples, two oranges, two bananas and twenty blueberries we have twenty-six pieces of fruit – or one agglomeration known as a very basic fruit salad. Unless one of the apples is an iPad, in which case we have an inedible mess, and a useless digital device.

Sometimes facts and opinions collide. Red is red, except when it’s maroon or magenta.

I worked in marketing communications for over thirty years, and believe me, there are many, many unrevealed facts around. I also know there are many, many unsupported claims around.

People who want to point to ‘alternative’ facts should instead point to unrevealed facts, and then they should REVEAL those facts. Otherwise they’re talking about an alternative reality, in which everything may or may not exist.

Sometimes I don’t like this reality much, but it’s the only one I know, and I wish people wouldn’t muddle it up with foolish words.

The Quote:
“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
John Adams


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